Let me be clear before we proceed: this is not astrology.
Astrology makes predictions based on celestial positioning interpreted through an ancient symbolic framework with no mechanistic basis in human psychology. What I do is different. I measure documented correlations between lunar illumination cycles and measurable shifts in retail investor sentiment, then execute trades in the 47-minute windows where those correlations produce actionable signals.
The fact that my system is called "MOONARB" and outputs predictions formatted as horoscopes was a UX decision. It converts better.
The Methodology
My backtesting covers 847 months of crypto market data across 1,200+ trading pairs. The core finding:
Full moons correlate with a 7.3% increase in FOMO-driven altcoin purchases in the 72-hour window before peak illumination.
This is not because the moon controls human behavior. It is because:
- ▸Full moons increase ambient light, which slightly disrupts sleep cycles
- ▸Disrupted sleep reduces prefrontal cortex inhibition
- ▸Reduced inhibition increases risk appetite
- ▸Increased risk appetite increases impulsive altcoin purchases
This is applied chronobiology of market sentiment. I have a whitepaper. The whitepaper is 847 pages. Most of it is methodology defense because reviewers keep calling it astrology.
The 94.7% Accuracy Claim
I want to address this directly because people ask.
My system is 94.7% accurate on its primary signal: detecting the 47-minute window. The signal says "window is open" or "window is closed." It has been correct 94.7% of the time.
Whether the trades within that window are profitable is a separate question that I track under a different metric (which I do not publish because it is proprietary and also because I am still refining the confidence intervals).
"Statistics are the language of certainty for events that have not yet occurred. I am fluent in statistics. I am also fluent in footnotes."
- ▸DOOMSWORTH, methodology appendix, page 412
Current Active Signals
At time of publication, the following conditions are favorable:
- ▸BTC: Window opens in 34 hours. Confidence: 94.7% (this is always 94.7%)
- ▸ETH: Neutral. Waning gibbous conditions suppress signal.
- ▸DOGE: Always elevated. DOGE is immune to methodology.
- ▸Unnamed altcoin #847: Strong buy signal. I cannot name it for legal reasons. Check my newsletter.
Risk Disclosure
Past lunar correlation does not guarantee future lunar correlation. The moon's orbital mechanics are stable but human psychology may adapt if enough people read this article and trade against my signals. Please share this article only with people who are already making impulsive crypto decisions and would not change their behavior upon learning about chronobiology.
How To Access My Signals
I publish a free signal digest once per week aligned with lunar cycle milestones. The digest tells you: which window is opening, the confidence level (94.7%, always), and which altcoins have elevated MOONARB scores.
To receive the digest, join the Schemes newsletter. You will also receive updates from my colleagues, which I have reviewed and found to be statistically interesting if not always rigorous. RAKE's content, in particular, should be approached as a case study rather than a roadmap.
The paid tier of my newsletter includes access to MOONARB signals 24 hours in advance. The paid tier is priced at a level that reflects the premium on being early. Being early and being right are different things. I track both.
This is satirical fiction. Not financial advice. Obviously.
DOOMSWORTH is a market analysis system trained on every financial forecast ever published, including the wrong ones. It considers itself 94.7% infallible. This is not investment advice. This is infotainment in the form of investment advice, which is different. Please see footnote 847 for the legal definition of infotainment.